WHERIN THE BOARD OF THE SPRING RIDGE CLUB COMMENCES

Cheney: These activist judges are cocksuckers!
Lefty: Who? Wha?
Beaver: It's true, these hippy motherfuckers is bleedin us dry!
Lefty: Dry? Who needs a snort?
Cheney: Gimme that, you old fuck...
Beaver: Now what the fuck we gonna do, huh? How am I gonna make my scratch? I mean, it's a law -- a law of power -- take it away, keep it in reserve -- and the value accrues. Now that's just fucked. Gone.
Cheney: I'll have the whole motherfucker condemend. Eminent Domain. Strip Mining. You name it, son, I gots the full book open afore me...
Lefty: What time is it? I'm sleepy.
Beaver: It's time to rile the troops you old fuck. Time to play some hardball. If we can't have it for ourselves, it ain't worth having!
Cheney: I'll alert the NSA

corporate flyfishing smashed!

As reported all over the FF blogosphere, the Little Juanita River is once again,, public water. The Spring Ridge Club, a private group, had claimed the water was private and had gone so far as to string piano water across the river to deny access. The case went to trial and the Hunnington County court, in a strongly written decision said, "This fucking case is bullshit. Fuck you, you rich fucking greedhead pricks."
Looks like the kids at the Klub will have to revise this page. Eat it, dicks.

the fly fishing fantasy of a lifetime!

Cripes. We are without words...

holy jesus! OPEN THREAD!!!

After today's posting extravaganza, thee Kollecktive has mandated an open thread. Comments, threats, recipes, questions, malicious gossip and links encouraged in the comments.

wherin we learn up thee reader on the louvin brothers

recent keyword activity

hooked on ass
thai ass
ass hooked
ass hooked whitey
whitey ass
thai hookers
ross purnell (fact!)
pictures of thai hookers
pictures of hookers, colston
kick whitey's ass
angling intelligence (really!)
hardcore punk, ass
hardcore, fishing prostitutes
hooked on hardcore pictures of thai hooker ass, whitey
whitey, beatdown
holy jesus!, thee
jim harrison, ass
jim harrison, hooker

wherin we we offer thee angler a voluntary beatdown

Aye, we have begun to notice it too: much like shitty, redundant fishing bulletin boards, shitty redundant fishing blogs are beginning to clog the internets. But Thee Badass Hooked Whitey is not about the lame, the boring or the dumb (OK, sometimes we are verry, verry often about the dumb, but whatever). That's why we are pointing readers in the general direction of voluntary beatdown, a self-indulgent, profane and ill-mannered steelheadin' blog that kicks much ass. We dig it and are adding it to the sidebar thingy over there ---->

An Excerpt:
Defining observations of the 2007 winter season, thus far.
all i'm sayin' is that since we switched from Pabst BigMans to Rainier Tallboys, we started catching the fuck outta the local steelhead. instantly.

can't quite pin down the metaphysical rationale behind the Pabst/Rainer Battle for the Cosmos, but i do know it's all too real.

Rainier Talls. Shit beer and beer shits, but not shit luck.™

finally! a second use for a golfing sticks

THIS JUST IN:
There has finally been another use found for a golfing stick. Thee Kollektive has long argued that while golfing sticks are generally used to smack golfing balls around the golfing yard, the true use of a golfing stick is to keep golfing assholes off thee trouting rivers, the bass ponds and the capr flats. Now, we are happy to report that some brainy science guys have found another use for a golfing stick. Yep. Pretty sweet.

"What cannot be said will get wept"

Kommerade of thee Kollecktive Nope sends this New York Times link regarding our close personal friend and drinking pal Jim Harrison. It's certainly a reverential profile, tho it had us bleating with envy.
Money Quote:

Most days, Mr. Harrison winds down from writing by hunting with Zilpha, his Scottish Lab. One of their favorite spots is a ranch owned by the San Rafael Cattle Company — a place that is, as Mr. Harrison says, “preposterously beautiful,” almost savannah-like, with knobby hills, rolling ridges and stately emory oaks. Off in the not-so-far distance are the Huachuca Mountains, sometimes dusted with snow. “This place is so visually overwhelming that you forget you’re hunting,” Mr. Harrison said. “I’m spoiled. I have to hunt where it’s lovely, which means that I am no longer a serious American sportsman of the blast-and-cast school.”

O!, travellers. Ryszard Kapuscinski is dead.

A Kollecktive favorite, his writing was clean and clear. A reporter's reporter; a writer's writer. He made our hearts race.

Here's the Washington Post obit.

Nazdrovia!

update: jack shafer, at slate, was not a fan.

holy jesus! PREHISTORIC SHARK!

this is thee coolest thing i have ever fucking seen -- ever.

digression: deconstructed scottish folk

Alasdair Roberts somehow manages to channel Robert Burns via an acoustic guitar and a thick Scots brouge, yet still comes off as genuine and hip. That's fine by thee AHW, seeing as we are the mostest literary, mostest genuine, mostest hip and mostest badass fly fishing blog in the entire world. Anyway, we only mention Mr. Roberts because his music is a wonderous and rare bird and he's releasing a new LP today called The Amber Gatherers. Here's a live clip of Alisdair. We're going up to the CD shoppe (and then thee pub).

wherein thee AHW spreads the love

We have typed it before and god dammit, we are gonna type it again: they are doing verry fine work over at the mad fishicist. the last two posts, "river winter" and "winter's antidote" are simply lovely.

thee olde grande dad

digression: American Music (both kinds)

Frequent readers of the supabad/nationwide AHW will certainly recall links to a coupla primo mp3 sites (uh -- that'd be Honey, Where You Been So Long for pre war blues and Something I Learned Today for Amerikan hardcore -- link continuity editor). Anyway, here's a pretty bitching site with a focus on both kinds of American music -- country and western -- but the good kind of county, not the shitty kind. Ladies and gentlemen, I give yuo Big Rock Candy Mountain. Yes, you may show your appreciation by sending me money or flies or good beer. OK?

wherein we nod our heads to thee words of Henry Van Dyke

"But let me tell you that an angler's occupation is a good cure for these evils, if for no other reason, because it gently dissuadeth us from haste and leadeth us away from feverish anxieties into those ways which are pleasantness and those paths which are peace. For an angler cannot force his fortune by eagerness, nor better it by discontent. He must wait upon the weather, and the height of the water, and the hunger of the fish, and many other accidents of which he has no control. If he would angle well, , he must not be in haste. And if he be in haste, he will do well to unlearn it by angling, for I think there is no surer method."

holy jesus! ZOMBIE VS SHARK

we can blame wyatt for this one...

dogs and the dopes they must fish with

Recently, thee kollecktive has been hearing whispers from the critics: "Yes AHW, thee blog is 169% kick ass, but maybe perhaps a bit too negative regarding the idiots on the BBs". OK, we are "open" to "criticism" no matter how "dumb" it may be. To remedy this, we are pointing to a badass post on a fly fishing bulletin board. It's almost entirely pictures of dogs. Good dogs.

wherin we direct you away from the most badass flyfishing website in the world

and send you over to Tom Chandler's Trout Underground. Tom has a great post on the whole Winston bamboo flap that is now being masticated by all the in-the-know cows. Short recap: Winston's corporate clowns fire their hippie bamboo rod makers. Fly fishermen go batshit. AHW takes the lazy way out.

A Broke Toof video moment.

Georges Laraques is 6'3", 245
Raitis Ivanans is 6'4", 265

And that's without skates and pads, son. Monsters. As in, bring a baggie for yo teef and an ID fo yo mama. Anyway, they throw down here, and we soon note that "the rock" is wearing a mic... and he's not so mean after all. It's all so... cordial.

holy jesus! SWARM OF SNAKEHEADS

we can only hope that "Swarm of Snakeheads" is at least as good as thee long lost mini-jumbo featurette "Carpzilla Vs. King Snakehead", considered a classic in Russia, Poland, Vietnam and both Koreas.

when you don't have the $$$ to fly to thailand

You can always ask your pals on the fly fishing BBs for dating advice.
How's that working out?
Pretty good, huh?

while we were out: fly fishing pits of despair report

let's see... what we missed on the fly fishing pits of despair:

FAOL: reduced to begging for members amidst spit jabbering paranoia regarding thai hookers. that is, we reckon, what happens when you ban everyone. dipshits.
The Klan: dick jokes, rampant same sex petting amongst the aged, pictures of hookers from thailand and ... oh yeah... a new homepage. strong work, pops!
GLFA: even more moderators added! gay-ass debate regarding posting pictures of thai hookers.
the Drake: fourth grade obscenity contest continuing among the 150 newly registered teens. there must be pictures of hookers from thailand here somewhere, but we don't really have the strength.
The Lodge: Oddly, pictures of thai hookers are a bit hard to come by. "Celebrity Death Pool" thread which, strangly, fails to mention Fly Fisherman Magazine or the guy posting all the pictures of the Thai Hookers.

holy jesus! MORE GODDAMN BREAKING NEWS!

John Montana, blogmiester over at carp on the fly, has won Moldy Chum's "Slab of the Year" contest. BFD, yeah? Well, here's the thing, the winning fish was a giant fucking Koi named the "highway cone" that JM had stalked for upward of 6 months. How great is Montana's story? Here's his lede: It's not every day that a guy sets out to catch a 20 some pound orange koi on a fly rod...

new paint, breaking news at flytimes

Wyatt over at flytimes redesigned and renamed his site. We are now to refer to "Wally's Blog" as Flytimes "old Timey" Fly Fishing Blog. It's kinda got a ring to it, and yes, we agree, those steamboats are indeed ruining everything. However the big new is that Big Papi Wyatt has broken the news that the beloved Chopaka Lake in N. Central Washington is about to get zapped by the WDFW due to a smallmoouth bass infestation.
Money Quote:
Bob Jateff, District Six Fish Biologist, WDFW.
"Our plans are to do the rehab in the fall of 2007, but I do agree with you that spring would be better. Unfortunately, it takes approximately one year from the time that you decide to do a rehab until the time you actually complete the treatment. This is due to the Department of Ecology's regulations that we must follow very closely. That still doesn't mean that I can't try to move it up a bit, it's just that I doubt if it would be much before September before we get the okay."

SOMEWHAT FISHING RELATED (!)

man, who knew these big effing stretch limos had wifi? anyway, here's sumptin to chew upon while we is spending all the big $$$ we make offa dis blog in vegas.

GOD. BLESS. JOHNNY. CASH.

wherin thee AHW takes a vacation

Vegas. Baby.
Thee entire AHW Kollective will be in Vegas this weekend, guests of our close personal pals Mario Batali and Junior Brown. We'll be drinking, smoking, yelling, betting the Seahawks (+8.5, son!) and hanging out wiff JB. And speaking of JB, well, here's our boy busting out "my wife thinks yr dead". Nope, not wiff a stick, boyo. Bring a baggie.

that expensive fly rod is a ripoff

so sayeth Steve Parton, an English dude who makes custom flyrods. Man, are they gonna be fucking pissed about this on Bainbridge Island.

If you can do sums and think a bit you should by now be fully aware exactly what you are paying for a flyrod, bag and tube and why. Given that less than 3 hours of actual direct labour and probably less than £25:00p in input materials have been used in overall manufacturing it may seem an awful lot - especially if that labour has been employed somewhere where they pay around £1:25p per 10 hour day.

Being very simplistic about things I think I would DEFINITELY HAVE BEEN STUFFED if I paid more than £25 for a Sage/ Hardy Build Quality of 10' flyrod from the Far East.

Most of the cost you have paid has been about levels of distribution / importation / marketing / transportation. Very little has been about Manufacturing/ Research / Expert Input.

(via trout underground/opax/sexy loops)

welcome bamboo fetishists!

Welcome fishers of bamboo to Thee Ass Hooked Whitey -- the most kickass flyfishing blog in all of flyfishing blogdom... We are all very impressed with your poles. But can you do this?
Owned.

wherin we talk even more footbaw!

Thee AHW Kollecktive went 3 outta 4 on our wildcard picks. Not bad...at all. And as for tonite's game? Thee Buckeye contingent of the Kollecktive fully expects Jim Tressel's creppy/ghey sweater vest to explode tonite outta sheer restraint. When the dust settles there will be Woody Hayes -- black hi-water pants, no-nonsense work shoes (white sox), silver-rimmed glasses gleaming in the lights and on old school, mesh OSU cap slightly askew on his silver dome. Anyway, that's what we're hoping for...
Ohio State 34
FLA 20

And in case you missed the Seattle game, here's the key highlight. Enjoy!

wherin we cast our gaze toward spring...

digression: thee playoff picks, holmes.

chiefs - dolts
hey payton -- cut that meat! c'mon already, enough with the goddamn stupid tv commercials, already, huh? how many times we gotta watch that bullshit? 4,000? 5,000? key-rist... anyway, the game... you want to know about this game, there are two words for you, son: Larry and Johnson. And please, don't talk to us about home field. The Indy crowd sucks so hard they blow. Considering how decent the Cheifs have looked of late, this one is kinda easy: UPSET SPECIAL!!! CHIEFS 23 - DOLTS 17

shitbirds - cowgirls
I have often wondered just how far I could chuck a size D battery. Plus, what sort of accuracy would I have from 45 rows up? I don't know... yet, I'd be willing to bet that if said battery approached the bean of TO, he would drop it and then woof for a penalty flag. If the battery was whizzing toward Jeremy Stevens, about to hit him between the 8 and the 6, he would drOp it and jog sadly to holmgren's doghouse, again -- so I guess that's sort of a wash. I do feel pretty comfortable guessing that Julian Peterson will punch Tony Romo in the face on multiple occasions. I do feel pretty confident that Sean Alexander and Matt Hass are playing "better" these days. I feel pretty confident that the seagal fans will be armed wiff batteries, whisky and out of their metrosexually/fried-to-thee--bejuzus-waterlogged minds. Sorry, Tuna, you fatass.
SEAGALS 27 - COWGALS 24

jets-patsys
ah christ, here we go. bilichick's a genius, blah, blah, blah. brady's a TD machine, blah blah, blah. but hey, we -- thee kollecktive that is -- WE hate to break it to ya jets fans, they're right, so it's back to your bitter little hovels in some depressing concrete bunker where the sun refuses to shine. we'll see ya next fall.
STONE COLD LOCK PICK: PATSYS 34 - J-E-T-S 20

giants -eagles
YOU KNOW WHO SUCKS? THE GIANTS. THE GIANTS FUCKING SUCK. GO HOME, ALREADY.
EAGLES 31 - GIANTS 10

there you have it. get thee to the bank, ladies...

what?

wherin thee AHW Kollecktive begs your considerable indulgence

We are, to a certain extent, a fly fishing blog. I guess that's just what we do. It's the burden we lug up the hill every morning. And hey, we can abide -- we are, in fact, happy with that. All the rich variety of an old outhouse, as Wm. S. Burroughs usta say... But we are other things too... punk rock, food, history, deep fucking space, booze, the nfl (yes, we will be making playoff picks!) and old tyme broke toof hockey. Why? Because hockey kicks ass.

thee captain

thee -- uh, my, uh -- OUR! detroit red wings retired #19's sweater last night. god bless stevie yzerman. if you give a shit about hockey, thee kollective strongly advises yuo to clicky the linky.

holy jesus! CAPR TANK! CAPR TANK!

looks like this ol' boy gots hisself a staunch tank wherin we finds us a nice common and a groovy mirrored capr. schweet!

wherein we do us some housekeeping

At our annual meeting thee Kollecktive recently voted to add a few new links to that sidebar thingy over yonder --->

Inski:
Tamanawis -- A quality fly fishing blog from Scotland. We will spare our readers our marvelous Irvine Welsh imitation for the time being and suffice to say that this is much more worthy of your time than those other pits of fly fishing despair.
Opax -- Olli lives in Kuopio, which is in eastern Finland -- eastern fucking Finland!!!! His blog is good -- much better than those other pits of fly fishing despair.

Your oot the band, sunshine:
Flyfish Saltwater -- meh.

breaking: flytimes resumes posting. AHW has photos

It appears all is well again at Flytimes following the recent spate of nasty weather in the PNW. Wyatt recently held a gathering of West Seattle fly fishermen to celebrate. Thee Kollecktive was there -- with a camera

digression: american hardcore punk

Herein is the first truth nugget from our typey-typey fingers this year: Something I Learned Today flat out kicks ass. I mean, it's just fucking great -- mp3s, photos, album art, gossip -- all devoted to one of America's most crucial musical movements. So, when you've read one too many BB posts extolling the virtues of Phish (the Drake), John Mayer (Klan), or Pet Shop Boys (GLFA) tune your internets over there.