thee al campbell fly auction

it's now up on ebay.

banned. BFD.

knucklehead gets banned from board A, runs to board B to weep n' moan. bitchfest ensues. it's sad, really. yeah... real sad. boo fucking hoo.

lava! red hot lava!

Over at the Drake, Eat Shad and Die displays some formidible literary skills in this thrashing of some (hopefully fictional) fly shop manager. Pretty funny, and the venom... it's like lava! Man.... can you feel it?
Money Quote:

Puff's got game, and he will continue the tradition of all Orvis personnel of nodding the head in an up and down direction while listening to the umpteenth wealthy sphincter-face talk about his latest trip to Patafucinggonia or New DamnZealand and schlepping back to the wader/boot storage area which is seldom in the same ZIP code as the rest of the store, and fetching the fifth pair of waders for the cigarette-wrinkled trophy wife of some concrete contractor who never finished the 10th grade but has made so much geld he can go to Bristol Bay twice a year, and this year, by damn, Bunny, the fourth wife, is gonna go and catch her a big-ass salMON, and do those look good, honey? I kinda don't like this color...do you have these in a pewter or something a little less, well, you know, earthy?

from "returning to earth", 1977

Don't waste yourself staring at the moon.
All of those moon-staring-rear-view-mirror deaths!
Study the shadow of the horse turd in the grass.
There must be a difference between looking at a picture
of a bird and the actual bird (barn swallow)
fifteen feet from my nose on the shed eaves.
That cloud SSW looks like the underside
of a river in the sky.

--Jim Harrison

Col. Robert Venerables giveth instruction

This link goes to the entire fascimile edition of Venerable's 1662 work, "The experienced Angler, or, Angling Improved Being A general Discourse of Angling: Imparting many of the aptest wayes and choicest Experiments for the taking of most sorts of Fish in Pond or River."
This is a pretty killer volume, loaded with tips and verse.
Money Quote:

When you come first to the river in the morning, with your rod beat upon the bushes or boughs which hang overthe water, and by their falling upon the water you will see what sorts of flies are there in greatest numbers; if divers sorts, and equal in number, try them all, and you will quickly find which they most desire. Sometimes they change their fly; though not very usual, twice or thrice in one day; but ordinarily they do not seek another sort of fly till they have for some days even glutted themselves with a former kind, which is commonly when those flies die and go out. Directly contrary to our London gallants, who must have the first of every thing, when hardly to be got, but scorn the same when kindly ripe, healthful, common, and cheap; but the fish despise the first, and covet when plenty, and when that sort grow old and decay, and another cometh in plentifully, then they change; as if nature taught them, that every thing is best in its own proper season, and not so desirable when not kindly ripe, or when through long continuance it begins to lose its native worth and goodness.

digression!: booze/meat

Pretty much a genius-type idea.
Money Quote:

Over the years, I've tried various sorts of infusions, with vodka and other liquors. Fruit and herb-infused are the best known, and are often wonderful. But what I like is meat. Where's the infusion for people like me? I felt disenfranchised, and alone, especially after some research on the interwebs revealed a real lack of meat-based liqueurs. It would be up to me to blaze the trail.

hilariously pathetic

Who'd pay their guide to cheat? Perhaps you'd pay your guide for some weed, but other than that, this story on Bish on Fish regarding how some sports attempt to cheat the IGFA is really pretty funny in a I'm-such-a-fucking-loser-I-cheat-at fishing kinda way. Of course, this seems caused by some notion of "competition" in fly fishing, which is an equally stoopid notion.
Money Quote:

Many fly fishing guides will know occasions when their client confronted by a really big trout, say they have not got the skills to catch it, and ask the guide to have a go. If the guide lands the fish, the client is very keen to have a photo taken of him holding the fish. (Just a quick note, it is really not a good idea for the cheating client to stick the photo up on the internet, captioned as his 'kill'.)

technorati

Technorati Profile

geeks unlimited

no, we didn't go to the fly fishing retailer show. nope, no hot tips, juicy gossip or ha-ha-halarious stories of getting drunk with sales reps. and, no, we weren't even invited to the blogger party they had.

digression!: food

posssibly thee coolest effing food blog ever...

thee martha silano poem

Martha Silano is a friend who happens to be a lights-out poet. Her newest book, Blue Positive, is just out. This piece is from that work.

My Man With His Fly Reel Eyes
After Andre Breton

My man with his fly reel eyes
Pale morning dun desire

My man's hip-wader heat
Gravel-in-the-shallows drive

My man with his Yakima Canyon shoulders
Sagebrush brow

My man's fingerling tongue
Biceps smooth as skipping stones

My man with his sockeye sperm
Trunk of ponderosa

My man's teeth the snow-fresh tracks
of cougar—cougar scream & cougar silence

My man's Frenchmen Coulee hands
My man the hawk with a snake in its mouth

My man the trout growing larger
My man skunked—his cattail want

My man the 40-mile-an-hour gust
a tarp set free from rocks

Thee olde Parson Seccombe clears his throat

Just came across a link for the University of New Hampshire Library's Milne Angling Collection where we find this absolute gem from 1739, Business and Diversion inoffensive to God, wherein Parson Seccombe mounts the pulpit to defend angling on thee Sabbath. The Priest if a rather windy fellow, and the angling business doesn't really get going untill page 16, still, it's worth the trip into the time machine.
Money Quote:

Our diversion, if rightly used, not only fits us for, but leads us to Devotion, and the Creature brings us to Christ.

smash corporate fly fishing!

Dang. Reel Pure and Moldy Chum have announced some kinda corporate whoring partnership agreement. Look for them to close boat launches, privatize campgrounds and fence off rivers in the very near future. In the meantime, we will soldier on here at the AHW compound, redoubling our recruitment efforts, fortifying our firing positions and seeking some kind -- any kind -- of angling intelligence.

it rarely gets this pathetic

even on Fly Fishermen

WTF is wrong with these anglers?

This has gotta be some kinda joke right? Fly fishers pushed around by a buncha animal rights activists -- activists where were probably fucking vegans? Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame.
Money Quote (which also reeks of bullshit):

A police spokesman said: “This is a disturbing new trend, attacking people as they fish. Obviously we are looking at the criminal damage element. Fly rods can cost up to £4,000.”

holy jesus! MAMMOTHS ON THE YAK!

The (lame ass) Seattle Times has a decent story of an archeology dig on the banks of our beloved Yakima River. Yes, there is a mammoth -- a big fucking mammoth -- and they may have found a spear point -- or something, but let's not get carried away, m'kay?

Now, a tantalizing find this summer promises to raise the project's profile.

A stone flake from an ancient knife was unearthed in one of the pits, just inches from the bones.

That doesn't mean the 8-ton beast was felled by a spear. But if the stone tool turns out to be as old as the mammoth bones, which have been dated, it could add to evidence questioning the conventional view that North America was populated 13,500 to 14,000 years ago by people who walked across the Bering Strait land bridge.

"If the flake was 16,000 years old, that would make it a very important site," Lubinski said. "But we really don't know yet if it's associated with the bones."

10K

Woah. Verily, and according to that stat counter below, Thee Ass Hooked Whitey just hit 10,000 page loads. That's a considerable measure of loads -- even for full growed American troutsmen. Anyway, thanks for coming.

We are much obliged.

ra!

the greatest night in flyfishing

burning pram approacheth and cirroc has the video of this year's sacrifice.

gurgle, gurgle, and 'go down glug

"Ah! my beloved brother of the rod... do you know the taste of beer -- of bitter beer -- cooled in the flowing river? Take your bottle of beer, sink it deep, deep in the shady water, where the cooling springs and fishes are. Then, the day being very hot and bright, and the sun blazing on your devoted head, consider it a matter of duty to have to fish that long, wide stream. An hour or so of good hard hammering will bring you to the end of it, and then -- let me ask you avec impressement -- how about that beer? Is it cool? Is it refreshing? Does it gurgle, gurgle, and 'go down glug' as they say in Devonshire? Is it heavenly? Is it Paradise and all the Peris to boot? Ah! if you have never tasted beer under these or similar circumstances, you have, believe me, never tasted it at all."
-- Francis Francis, 16th Century (By Lake and River)

blackrock/yakima: the wheels begin to grind

Interesting piece by leah beth ward in the yakima herald regarding the the proposed black rock project. Ward does a good job on a story that has many new n' interesting "growths" emerging regularly -- but it's also frustrating simply because she didn't get enough room to really let this story breath. Witness: A 2-day conference hosted by something called the Yakima Basin Storage Alliance; Doc Hastings laying down smack; irrigators and tribal leaders making general nice-nice; and Rick George, manager of an Umatilla salmon restoration program with the money quote:

Twenty-pound chinook are back on the order of 30,000 each spring and the salmon that spawn are wild, he said, adding: "The most popular fishing hole in Pendleton is near the Taco Time."

Woo. Woo.

honest abe clears his throat....

"I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer."
-Abraham Lincoln

late breaking news: perseid shower tonite!!

it's AHW's favorite meteor shower (except for that other one in the winter... what' s that one called again?) and it peaks tonight. We hope you can get out and enjoy it. If not, it'll be hanging around for a coupla nights. As for the AHW staff, we're heading out to the tub with a hog leg the size of a railroad spike and a few bottles of Cristal.

Seriously.

Non-golfing golfers and the fly fishermen that hate them

Jack Nicklaus as is a golfer. He's won a shitload of major golf golfing golf-offs and is noted for his rather cartoon-like voice. Unlike the golfer named Arnold Palmer, he does not have a delicious summer cooler named in his honor. Too bad for the golfer named jack Nicklaus... Anyway, this Mr. Jack Nicklaus -- golfer -- fellow has just been named national spokesperson of something called the Federation of Fly Fishers. Alas...
As anglers, we must recognize the role of golf: it existing only to keep dumbshits off the rivers, the estuaries, the carp flats. What has compelled these golfer to cross borders? This seems rather dangerous to me. Over on the Drake, it seems as though Ursus may agree, that this intermingling may not be "a good thing".
Money Quote:

This rich, pansy ass "avid fly angler" (only when in pristine water in a guide's boat catching big ass fish that most of us will rarely see) is going to represent you and I and the fisheries? What you and I and what fisheries? Is he going to represent the you and I that fish chub infested waters just for a chance at a nine inch wild brown hanging on for dear life in our marginal little home water stream? You know the one that no one builds million dollar homes on? The you and I that fumbled around for a few years trying to figure out how to catch our first steelhead on a fly? The you and I that when we do splurge for a guide we ruin our arms and backs and refuse to rest because - lets face it $300 is a fuck of a lot to pay for fishing. The you and I who are getting squeezed out of good water by the gazillion dollar me,me,me assholes? The you and I that work all goddamn week in mediocre jobs we can barely stomach just so we can fish a little on the weekend - and usually in chub-infested waters? The you and I that have lengthy discussions about why $600 is just too much to pay for a fly rod no matter how good it is?
Yeah right.

top 10 flyfishing blogs

toptensources.com rates the fly fishing blogs. how can the gentle reader not be suspicious of this sort of irresponsible bloggist claptrap?
Money Quote:

Getting the best flyfishing blogs to come to the surface is a little easier than getting a nice brookie to come out from under a ledge and take your fly. But there are crowds of commercial sites to get past first, from fishing guides and lodges to equipment retailers. And some of the best sites, like the American Museum of Fly Fishing, don't have blogs.... When you find the real thing, it's like coming around the bend from a crowded stretch of bank to a quiet glade where it's just you and the fish.

that itch could be telling you something...

Struggling with feelings of self loathing? Wondering just what the bloody fucking hell you are doing with your life? This should help you feel a little less pathetic...

Digression! American cultural artifacts

Robert Johnson was a pretty goddamn good guitar player -- other than doing much of the heavy lifting for what would become rock and roll, Johnson is -- simply stated -- an iconic figure in American cultural history. Now an auction house in New York claims to have his guitar -- thee guitar, a Gibson L1-- though they offer no proof. Yes, it's for sale -- asking price $6M. Yes, there is controversy:
Money Quote:

"If anyone is stupid enough to bid on it, they deserve what they're getting,"

we jam econo!

"SIMPSON. – Have you ever seen any American books on angling, Fisher?
"FISHER. – No. I do not think there are any published. Brother Jonathan is not yet sufficiently civilized to produce anything original on the gentle art. There is good trout-fishing in America, and the streams, which are all free, are much less fished than in our Island, 'from the small number of gentlemen,' as an American writer says, 'who are at leisure to give their time to it.'"
– WILLIAM ANDREW CHATTO: The Angler's Souvenir (London, 1835).

A lesson in the co-opting of fly fishing terminology

The Caucasian Wide Recievers of Association of America have launched a new campaign using some familiar terminology: “Catch And Release:Getting Stereotypes on the Hook and Letting Go of Predjudice”—aims to fight discrimination by turning the tables on the conventional perceptions of white wide receivers versus their predominantly African American counterparts. The tools: a website, a dream, and a series of pamphlets Sembler hopes to distribute at high schools across the nation.
Money Quote:

“The story’s always the same. Possession receiver. Deceptive speed. Good blocker. White wide receivers are always discriminated against in the same terms. It’s a national problem, and we’re taking steps to fight this on its own terms.”

Ahmad Nadalian -- an appreciation

We dig artist Ahmad Nadalian. The Iranian-born Nadalian loves fish, loves rivers and loves rocks. His art often features fish carved into rocks that he often just leaves by the river -- or buries.

Kids... a post we love (finally)

You know how we feel about kids here at AHW. You know how we feel about those cute "lookit these great pictures of my kids" posts. And, you know how we love the posts bragging about the little fuckers' baseball games, ballet recitals and all-night puke fests. Those are all wonderful posts, but this one is THE BEST EVER!

Dontrelle.

Over on the Drake, Revolution.Kirk caught him a bass. Not a huge bass. Not a dinner bass. Just a bass. But there was something about this bass... something special. Oh, a very special bass indeed! Anyway, he kept it put it in his aquarium and then asked the Drake to name him. Anyway... Dontrelle won. Now the legend is growing.

i didn't think it could be accomplished...

but they've actually made smoking dumbass boring over at Westfly. A request: please no posts about threesomes.