gone fishin'

i'll be away from the ass hooked whitey compound for the next coupla weeks chasing silvers on vancouver island. i'd suggest you spend your time seeing some other flyfishing blogs, like flytimes, moldy chum, trout underground or tattered fly for the next coupla weeks. of course, it won't be the genuine ass hooked whitey experience, but ya know... we could use a break, you and i... a little time away... just to see if this thing is gonna work out. i mean, i really think you're special and i think we may have a future together, but i just need a little time, you know, to get things in perspective. i can tell you've been a little distant lately, and i'm guessing you feel the same way... ummmm... i'll call ya when i get back, k?

DAMMIT, DAMMIT, DAMMIT

WT, over at Flytimes, has a pic of the goddamn carp that broke one of my favorite rods. Oh, and that new fly that he's created... pretty excellent. Carp moved reallly well to it -- I even had a cruiser veer over to it and suck it down. Good stuff, WT!

Digression: Stevie Wonder

The year: 1973. The show: Sesame Street. The special musical guest: Stevie Wonder. The song: Superstition. Oh, and yeah, and if you are wondering, I hate the red hot chili peppers. (via youtube)

general reminder: you cannot serve two masters

We've all seen lots of posts on FF boards regarding some dope's golf game. I always shake my head -- you CANNOT be a serious golfer and a serious fisherman. Period. End of story. But showing off picture of your immaculate lawn on a goddam fly fishing bulletin board proves one thing: YOU NEVER FISH.

this is EXACTLY how they debate in the supreme court

West Yellowstone flyshop owner Bob Jacklin caught himself a pig -- a real pig -- by my eyes, maybe about an 8 lb brown trout on the Madison. Luckily for him, he had a buncha cameras rolling as he was filming a "casting video" (ha! suckers!). Anyway, old Bob kept that fish to put on the wall of his shop. Some of the kids at The Drake ain't so happy. You know what that means: it's creative profanity time! (Not to mention the Drake's regular healthy and mature exchange of ideas, views and feeelings.)
Money Quote (by Salmo 22):

Are you self-righteous, jealous, fudge-packers about through with your carping? Bob Jacklin has done more to promote the sport of fly fishing and conservation through catch and release than the whole bunch of you little ankle bitters put together!

Regardless of why he chose to keep the fish, he has earned the right to make that choice. Why don’t you sheep-humpers go and actually do something about conservation – other than sucking each other’s dicks while you decry an individual of whom you know nothing about.

Oh, I almost forgot, go fuck yourselfs!

gone fishin'

those beer cans had better be off the front lawn when i get back or i assure you, there will be trouble!

holy jesus! A SIAMESE PIKE

YES GAWDDAMMIT, THEY'VE GOT A PICTURE OF A SIAMESE PIKE ON THE COAST TO COAST SITE! ART BELL = A GOD AMONG MEN.

smart. solid. v. little bs.

that's why the dan blanton board always seems so good. here's a great example.

shakespeare thee angler

An interesting historical read sifting thru the whats and wherefors of thee bard's angling references. Yep, somebody counted.
Money Quote:

But Shakespeare also refers to freshwater fish — to salmon, trout, pike, dace, carp, tench, loach, gudgeon, eels and minnows, fish which he may once have caught. Moreover, he often uses "angling" and "bait" to describe how his characters behave and, as an angler might, he portrays streams and rivers with fondness. As Dr Johnson argued two centuries ago, a man who wants to understand Shakespeare mustn't only study him indoors, so to speak — "he must look for his meaning sometimes among the sports of the field."

Via farreaches.org

digression: a football tribalism

Interesting work on Dave's Football Blog that posits the theory that the world cup allows the cheering masses to appreciate their own "native" football (i.e.: aussie rules, gaelic league, american rules, rugby league, canuck, etc...) all the more.

go seahawks!

fly tyers, shop geeks, guides and BB losers: REJOICE!

Some big--brained science guy sez humans will be having sex with robots within 5 years. FIVE YEARS!
Money Quote:

“People are going to be having sex with robots within five years,” he said. So should limits be set on the appearance, for example, of such robotic sex toys? The greatest danger, however, is likely to lie with robots that are able to learn from their “experiences”. As systems develop, robots are likely to have much more sophisticated self-learning mechanisms built into them and it may become impossible to predict exactly how they will behave."

Ouch.... that last bit... I guess that kinda qualifies as the the bad news, too, huh? Sorry.

how the trout killed custer. ra! trout!

Totally great history post from DT4 regarding how a fly fishing general helped cook the goose of Custer during little bighorn. It's over at Flyfisherman.
Money Quote:

Gen. Crook got soundly roughed up with several casualties, he retreated back to the area of present day Sheridan, Wyoming to lick his wounds. He was an avid fly fisherman and carried a fishing rod with him. He was languishing and fishing while Custer and the 7th were getting walloped. I really wonder whether the battle would have had a different outcome if Crook had arrived as planned.

easy pickings...

The emailer below is right: editing Ass Hooked Whitey is easy:

Here's the money quote:

Billionaire Texas oil tycoon T. Boone Pickens' ne'er-do-well son is fishing for trouble.

A New York judge overseeing Michael Pickens' bungled stock scam trial ordered the 52-year-old into rehab yesterday for allegedly trying to rob a Connecticut fly-fishing shop in a drugged-out haze last weekend.

Pickens, of Nocoma, Texas, was picked up Sunday night after he was found passed out under a desk in the ransacked Housatonic Meadows Fly Shop in Cornwall, Conn., state police said.

"He was sleeping under the desk in the fetal position," store manager Devin "Moe" Booth, 42, told The Post. "He was high, high, high. He just saw right through you."

Great story, and one ripe for the lampooning, but here's the question I can't reckon: what prompted Mr. Booth to inform reporters his nickname was Moe?

Newton Award Nominee!

From Fly Fisherman's Haverodwilltravel: "If we killed bin laden,would some Americans weep?"
Mooney Quote:

I think they would.There are some so desperate to seize power in this country that they would hate to see bin laden brought in dead or alive,the war successfully won and the troops come home victorious.Frankly,I think some would be ill over it as seen in recent weeks.
Their feigned concern over the troops would definately disappear and they would be noticably (as always)absent from any homecoming celebration.Cindy Sheehan,Michael Moore,the media etc.....would internally combust. John Fnnn Kerry would claim it was his idea to stay the course as he hopped the fence where he lost his sack.

Pure Gold!

I miss all the good stuff

Man, what a world class bitch fest was had this past weekend betwixt the Drake and the Fly Fishermen camps -- Thee Trouthole, your faithful correspondent--missed the whole shoooting match (tho I did managed to get blamed in at least one post! ra!) No one really cares enough for a blow-by-blow recap from AHW, but suffice to say, panties were bunched.
A few observations by your humble correspondant:
Heero = Hinge = Julie = Savanah
Tim Murphy = dickhead

So was there any redeeming typing going on amidst all the drama? Sure. You want highlights? We've got highlights:
From kreekn: "Having just returned from the drake board,I have determined,that there is no reason for anyone else to got there.The board lacks intelligence and its easier to find your own porn."
From Fishmaster Flex: What's this wave of fucking outdoors best refugees all about anyway? You fucking tools. Why don't you go back over there for spirited debate over the difference between threading your fly through the bottom or top of the hook eye.
From Tim Murphy: Actually, [The Drake] is kind of lame.
From Tim Murphy: They are tripping over themselves over there trying to figure out how they can do hiney love with the grey haired "boy". (Wow... homophobia on the Fly Fisherman board? Who knew?)
From Ajax: Outside of confessing to child molesting or maybe bestiality, how would one go about being banned on [The Drake]?

Oh the Drama... we love drama... It pays the bills around here

Gone fishin'

I'll be away from the AHW compound for a few days in pursuit of the elusive shad and the regal carp. Don't drink all my beer while I'm gone.

Open thread!!!

Tips, tricks, questions, suggestions, rants, jokes and whatnot. Go nuts, ladies.

You're out the band, sunshine...

The fins and flies link on the sidebar has been removed do to inactivity and utter boredom. Sorry fins and flies-- or was it fins and flies?--nothing personal. In it's place, I've inserted links to Southeast Fly Fishing and the Fly Rod and Reel blog. Note: this is not a link to the FR&R bulletin board, which has been undergoing rigor mortis for quite some time. Speaking of things stiff and barely breathing, still nothing interesting at all on Washington Fly Fishing....

I've got a few suggestions...

Over on Dan Blanton's board we came across this post: "Help pick destination for high roller types". Nope, it's not a troll. Really.

Filopino Soul Brother #1 checks in

with a pretty good shad report and a coupla boss photos. Here's a sample of what awaits you:

in filopino lore there is a story of the cold hearted shad. passed down from generation to generation the tale is told of how the great migration of shad was left to run up our island streams untouched. we left them alone and they left us alone. generations passed with the truce upheld. that is where we slipped, for the shad eventually sprouted legs and began to come upon our peacefull shores. when the numbers of land fish were said to be in the millions we started to compete for resources. the shad then started killing my ancectors. (the ingenious fish even invented a very primative cannon)that is when philopinos invented flyfishing.

Via Westfly.

BREAKING! CARP NEWS!!

This just in: Some carp can hold their breath for a really long time. A really long time.
Money Quote:

The researchers have found that this extraordinary fish can change the structure of its gills to avoid becoming anoxic. In addition its blood has a much higher affinity for oxygen than any other vertebrate, and it makes tranquilizers and produces alcohol when oxygen supplies are limited. These mechanisms allow the fish to survive for days or even months without oxygen depending on the temperature, whilst still maintaining physical activity.

that's $.50 a day... saved.

i gotta say, deadspin may have finally given me the nudge i need to cancel my dumb local (seattle) paper-- a paper that compells only the narcotic effect. i'm so tired of it. why do i get this thing? why do i pay... pay... why pay? why do i pay? why, gawdammit, WHY!?
well... the sports section. bottom line: i pay... uh... paid for the sports section.

Digression! food/poetry/love

Just a few chapters into Bill Buford's wonderful book, "Heat", in which the author finds himself as a non-piad kitchen "slave" in my pal Mario Batali's Baboo restaurant. Here's my favorite passage thus far:

A dish was a failure because it hadn't been cooked wiith love. A dish was a success because the love was so obvious. If you're cooking with love, every plate is a unique event -- you never allow yourself to forget that a person is waiting to eat it: your food, made with your hands, arranged with your fingers, tasted with your tongue.

After reading a friend's post ("A fine thought", directly below) I was immediately taken to the last coupla lines in one of my favorite Ray Carver poems called "Happiness". I don't know why, really, except perhaps to snap me back into quick focus and away from the ugliness. Thanks, Paul.

So early it's still almost dark out.
I'm near the window with coffee,
and the usual early morning stuff
that passes for thought.

When I see the boy and his friend
walking up the road
to deliver the newspaper.

They wear caps and sweaters,
and one boy has a bag over his shoulder.
They are so happy
they aren't saying anything, these boys.

I think if they could, they would take
each other's arm.
It's early in the morning,
and they are doing this thing together.

They come on, slowly.
The sky is taking on light,
though the moon still hangs pale over the water.

Such beauty that for a minute
death and ambition, even love,
doesn't enter into this.

Happiness. It comes on
unexpectedly. And goes beyond, really,
any early morning talk about it.

a fine thought

From the open thread. A fine thought and one certainly taken to heart. Thanks:

So chief, you had this great idea for a blog linking to entertaining threads on FF BB's. neat idea for a micro-microcosm view on things. But you spend your talents on negative ugly things and what do you get? If you think you can spend your time and energy on ugliness and grow your own self in beautiful ways then you are mistaken. Take a look at many of those that you challenge; they have grown the same way only to become ugly and hateful.

At this place in your life you have no excuse for bringing ugliness into your heart, home and life. You are on a threshold; celebrate it with joy and beauty.

It doesn’t interest me who you can chastise and own, I want to know who you have celebrated and learned from, sat with and shared your passions of things joyous.

Open thread

Let's hear it. Anyone?

Update: post pulled!

The homophobic thread (referenced in the two posts below) instigated by Fly Fisherman's alleged mods was pulled this evening after I returned from my hockey game. Big surprise! Another poster on the site asked why, but received no answer. The real reasons for pulling the thread are pretty transparent.

1. Simple ass covering. The thread in question was so bigoted, so abusively homophobic and so ugly that Flyfisherman really had no choice but to pull it. Especially since the mods were the ones hurling abuse. That Primedia would tolerate those attitudes and actions by those in positions of responsibility is sad, sad, sad. Of course, I doubt the mods pulled it of their own volition. They ain't that bright.
2. Then again, they were getting owned so hard (by moi) that they did what cowardly bigots always do -- they bailed -- if only to save themselves from more ridicule.

All and all, not Flyfisherman's finest moment.

he's a "moderator". really.

Primedia? Anyone home?
Colston Newton and pals are in a tizzy over the post directly below. Expect more homophobic invective hurled toward the beautific font of truth (and occasional free beer) that is AHW.

Newton Award nominee!

Here's an ugly, ugly post from Hywel on the Fly Fisherman board. Of course, not to be outdone, our man (and Newton Award namesake) Colston Newton even makes a cameo! What is it with this particular board that inspires such invective-filled posts?

a "slow news day" in the FF world

So I'm gonna post Schmidt's anti-strike indicator rant.
Money Quote:

I think that fly casting among most flyfisher is becoming a lost art and that the strike indicator has had a lot to do with this fact. All of us, in the industry are a fault here, guides, shops, and manufacturers. In these time of immediate gratifications we’ve looked to quick fixes. Rather than take the extra time to teach new and experienced flyfishers the wide variety of nuances this sport has to offer we focus on meeting, often times, unrealistic expectations and defer to using techniques and aids that can limit one learning.

As a result I feel that the strike indicator has led to a decline in the popularity of dry fly fishing.

Finally, a good sports blog

I dunno what my problem has been, but I have very few good general sports blogs in my bookmarks. Sure, I have blogs for my favorite teams, but a witty, smart general interest sports blog? It's just missing... Perhaps Deadspin will fit the bill...

Hit 'em in they gobs, son!

Via the always great Moldy Chum:

Deadbeat dads = OWNED!

Digression! PRIMATOLOGY

Anyone beeen keeping up with this "Hobbit Man/Flores Man" controversy? Anyway, here's the latest blast from Science Daily. The "hobbit man" suffered from microcephaly -- or maybe not. If the hobbit man is a myth, this, for some reason, disappoints me -- or is it that I just like to think that 18,000 years ago there was a race of 3 foot hominoids running around a very isolated piece of the world.

Man, that's good stuff...

what am i missing?

I'm asking AHW readers for a favor. Am I missing any really great regional boards? Any must read blogs? I want AHW's coverage to at least attempt to be well rounded, diverse and interesting, so if any of you can offer a suggestion, please don't hesitate to suggest.

I thank you kindly...

fishing reports: a how-to

Thinking of posting a fishing report on yr friendly, neighborhood fly fishing BB? Do us all a favor, take a few notes from Henry's Fork Dork and his report, Belize'd, on the Drake.

Seattle Times, please pull your head out

I'm used to being disappointed in Seattle's daily newspapers. Inevitable, I reckon. Dead tree media's loss of luster, however, certainly shouldn't effect a newspaper's efforts to provoke and compell its readers. Moreover, a newspaper should at least have some idea of what it's readers are interested in. This morning, on the front page of the Seattle Times was "California's elusive bass has a lure of its own", in which we are subjected to a poorly written LA Times (tsk! tsk!) piece about the giant bass of Montgomery Lake and the anglers who pursue them.
My simple question is Why? The Northwest is primarily about salmon, steelhead and trout, yet both dailies offer outdoor coverage that is bland, disconected and uninspired. Fat bass in SoCal? Cool, but who the fuck cares in West Seattle? Check the sports page in today's edition: Woah! The weekly fiisshing column, but once again it's the same press-release driven non-news and tired "top spots of the week" aimed at dudes with offshore boats. God damn.
In contrast, last year I visited the Midwest -- and I mean the middle of the mid-West -- eastern Ohio. It's really a lovely place: rolling green hills, hardwoods, and dotted with lakes stuffed with bass, pumpkinseeds, sunfish, walleye, sauger, crappie -- you name it. Yet this town's small paper (a weekly, no less!) went out of its way to cater to the hoards of ugly-stick waving anglers. There were moon charts, water temps, catch counts, tournament news, gear pieces, technique pieces and an adorable shot of little Sara Spinyray (age 5) hoisting a bucketmouth bass hauled outta Custer lake. As suspected, she was pulling plugs in heavy cover. "Ain't it a friggin' pig", the excitable youngster was quoted as saying.
Now I doon't expect the Times to attempt to "cater" to anglers, but right now it just seems like they ain't even trying.

How's your paper?

open thread, anyone?

i'm gonna see if this works -- an open thread. post whatever you want in the comments. music, beer, food, fishing, whatever. when i get back from tonight's poker game, i may respond!

GO!

Yes, we've seen your carp posts

We've seen everyone's carp post. You don't need another carp post. Really. Everyone is now well aware that there are some people who fish for carp. We don't care what you think about carp. Or that you used to shoot them with a bow and arrow. Or that you'd never fish for those filthy beasts. Please... everyone.... Can we shut up about carp for a week or two? OK: one more carp post (but a good one).
Money Quote:
You will rarely, if ever feel the take. Carp have very sensative lips,like prehensile appendages. A carp could untie the fly from your tippet with said lips and you would never know.

any way ya spell it....

And you thought the Drake was the only FF BB obsesses with booobies... er... boobys.
Money Quotes: Ah... just read the thread. They're all good.

6/6/6

Reminder: it is the National Day of Slayer.

I, for one, am fixin up some goat... Enjoy!

a coelacanth: pretty fucking cool

breaking coelacanth news over at the art bell-approved www.cryptomundo.com!!!

as a regular dude who happens to love fish i gotta say: there are a lot of cool fish swimming around out there, but the coelacanth... i mean come on, man! how cool!

atlantic salmon = owned!

"Selective Trout", "Fly Fishing Strategy", "Emergers", "Stoneflies"

Carl Richards
14 books
worked as a dentist
loved bugs
"In fact, in our basement I found his old notebooks, where he wrote as a 12- to 15-year-old, what bugs he found on what streams."

hometown obit here.

Kiss n' tell

Here's a link to a blog covering yellowstone park fishing. the editors promise, "A few journalistic notes about fly fishing in Yellowstone National Park, including: observations about the fish & fisherpersons, the myths & lore of park fishing, great water and sucker's glory holes." A first read portends very decent things from this blog. One word of warning: it crashed my browser (firefox) 3 times in a row!

On a similar note, RRDiesel87, some poor, hyperventilating soul over at Flyfisherman, proclaims that the site www.wildtroutstreams.com "will be the demise of trout fishing", because it displays stream maps from Maine to Georgia.

Bigseth jumps in to add, cordially, "If i ever find this guy i will give him the beating of a life time this sucks he is a total azz and this should not be tolerated. i am severly pissed bout the whole deal." Hmmm... it gets interesting! Even more so when administrator Ross Purnell types:
"What can not be tolerated is threats of violence and childish behavior. Bigseth your account has been suspended. email me if you want back on. I need to hear that you are going to act a little more socially."
Wildtroutstream's owner then jumps into fray. A beatdown ensues.
Money quote:
"I'm merely presenting maps from PUBLIC data in a form useful to fishermen. If some are wrong, that's part of the game, which is to encourage exploration. It's a pretty good starting point, but the ending point is being out in the wilderness fishing a stream.
There are no reviews on my site, and no directions to specific access points. There never will be. The goal is to encourage people to get out and explore, broadly. I think that's a good thing."

the saddest thread of all times

sad on... sniff.... so many... sniff... levels.

every fly fishing board needs one

and some need it more than others. ladies and germs, i present --- absolute horseshit guy!

bish bash

We're adding the new zealand fly fishing blog bish on fish to the AHW honor role (over there ---> on the sidebar thingy). Unlike AHW, Bish is an intelligent, well-written blog that posts interesting stuff.

the point?

is there a point to this uglinesss, other than to prove that colston newton is an idiot? cripes....