Thursday, November 02, 2006

digression: rock (well, by name at least) music

The nine nominees for 2007 induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame are: Chic, The Dave Clark Five, Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, R.E.M., The Ronettes, Patti Smith, The Stooges, Joe Tex, and Van Halen.

Seven of the above will be inducted, meaning that the reader must eliminate two of the above. AHW's thoughts:

Chic: Lookit, i like Chic. Chic, one could argue, were the greatest disco band of all time. Bernie Edwards? Nile Rodgers? Pretty swell... but rock? Chic as rock band? Reminder: Chic had -- tops -- three decent albums and what? four or five top ten singles? Sure, they've been lifted like crazy by hip-hop over the last 20+ years, but I dunno... this seems more a vote for Rodgers (the brains of the outfit) than the band as a whole. OUT.

The Dave Clark Five: Seriously? The Dave Clark Five? Sure, the Kollecktive fucking LOVES garage rock and while the DC5 had some serious chops ("Glad all Over") but hall of fame? Nah.... OUT

Grandmaster Flash and the Furious 5: OK, yes, you can make the "it ain't rock n' roll" case re. Flash, but most people won't buy it. These fucking guys did a substantial hunk of the heavy lifting during the early days of hip-hop. IN.

R.E.M: I remember a buddy of mine back in the day had a shirt that used to read "REM is Air Supply." HE WAS RIGHT! Let's consider, for a moment, the notion of "college rock" and just how unrocking that shit really was. The Feelies? The dB's? Love Tractor? Throwing Muses? Those fucking bands sucked! Sucked! REM is to blame. OUT

The Ronettes: IN. No fucking question. IN. Way more rock than ANY band from Athens, GA.

Patti Smith: Patti Smith has always bugged the shit out of me. OUT.

The Stooges: I'm don't have the list of every band enshrined in the hall, but his much I know: No one kicked as much ass as the stooges from about 1967-1973. NO ONE. I mean, cripes, the Stooges practically invented Punk Rock 10 years before the Ramones. Lookit their contemporaries: the doors, VU, the Who, Zeppelin -- the Stooges whalloped the holy hell out of all of those bands and they did it practicing in some shitty walk up in Detroit. That's punk, goddammit! IN!

Joe Tex: A marginal soul singer with one middling hit. He deserves it more than REM, but , alas: OUT.

Van Halen: An interesting case, as VH has provided many excellent moments of ROCK, but has often screwed the pooch in ways vile and embarassing, producing "music" that was so shitty, so contrived and featuring Sammy Hagar, that the listener muster seriously consider just who Van Halen is. Are they the band of the first coupla LPs who could rip off "Atomic Punk"? or were they the declining bag of shit peddeling power balads on VH1? Sorry, VH, rock n' roll never forgets (how badly you sucked after Diamond Dave got booted). OUT.

1 Comments:

Blogger dumneazu said...

The Stooges = Olive Hares Ear. Size 12

Van Halen = Pink Chartreuse Trude. Size 4

Which would you use?

Dave Clark Five = North Country Otter Water Bloa, circa 1897 (although I still love Doo-wah Diddy. Best misinterpretation of Blind Blake evah...

6:45 PM  

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